“Mothering, especially the mothering of children in oppressed groups, and especially mothering to end war, to end capitalism, to end homophobia and to end patriarchy is a queer thing. And that is a good thing. That is a necessary thing. That is a crucial and dangerous thing to do.”
– Alexis Pauline Gumbs, Revolutionary Mothering
Care work has always been political.
January was rough. We were constantly sick, it was bitterly cold, and I, like so many of you, was parenting as the democracy we believe in continues to be undermined.
I can’t help but feel the weight of it all. Those of you who know me know that I have devoted my career to ensuring that people have the tools to advocate for themselves. I have a bachelor’s degree in political science and a master’s degree in gender and intersectional analysis. I have led initiatives for girls empowerment in Rwanda, participatory budgeting in Moldova, and governance innovations in Thailand. Currently, I provide rights-based doula care for people who are birthing and trying to conceive in Vermont. For me, mothering and being a queer doula is resistance.
I spent much of the last few weeks trying to take in and let go of headlines that knocked the breath out of me. I escaped into parenting and lovely gay hockey romances and tried to forget that being part of the LGBTQIA+ community puts my family at risk—that a white, thirty-something queer mom just like me was killed point blank, in public, by the US government. I tried to remember that others have it much worse than me. I have all my basic needs, I have children who are safe, and I have citizenship. I also recognize that this kind of state violence is not new for the US. Our country was built on top of black and brown bodies.
Resistance is a long game.
I don’t have the answers, but wanted to share where I am at right now. Resistance is a long game. Take care of yourselves. I will continue to show up how I can, and encourage you to get out there in the ways that are safe and accessible to you. Call your reps. Donate. Participate. Parent. These are the tools we have.
And hold your babies close.
Meghan Bello is a queer doula and mom of two based in Burlington, Vermont. She is the owner of Bello Beginnings, an infertility, birth, and babywearing doula practice.
I love this Meghan! Taking the time to do this blog, to share your experience with others, to express all the complicated thoughts and feeling in this turbulent time is important. It’s healthy, it’s communal. Reading this today, made my day. Thank you!